Business As Usual

Posted: October 4, 2012 in Fantasy Football, NFL

Week 4 in the NFL went pretty much as expected. The regular refs returned to action, restoring order to the previously maligned football world. Of the fifteen games played in Week 4, only five were won by underdogs (nice work Bears, Chargers, Rams, Redskins, and Vikings). And to top it all off, Tony Romo and the rest of the Cowboys choked on a national stage. Yup. Business as usual.

To the blog. TUNE XM 60 OUTLAW. That was a Peyton impression.

Tyrone’s $450,000 Crack Party – Week 4 Recap
Scores and a recap of ten words or less.

Black Bush 216.08, UnitedStatesofSpace 133.08 – Another landslide victory for the all-powerful Black Bush.
Piss On You 191.04, Tron 145.02 – POY hasn’t needed to break out Doo Doo Butter yet.
A fuckn shark ate me 164.16, RIVERSIDE MOTHAFUCKA 145.04 – Monday night’s performances nearly doubled Sharks’ Sunday score.
19th St Gangsters 154.52, The Three Daves 153.68 – TTD lost by less than one point. That’s cold-blooded.
TastesLikeItSmells 178.78, Good Ass Cheese 142.44 – Another week, another loss. I feel like Stephen in 2011.

Here are the standings after Week 4.

All-Crack Party Team – Week 4
Below are the best performances from starters in Week 4. It was another week of evenly dispersed talent, as seven teams out of ten had at least one of their players make the squad. Better luck next week 19th St Gangsters, RIVERSIDE MOTHAFUCKA, and UnitedStatesofSpace.

QB – Tom Brady (TastesLikeItSmells) – 40.00 points
WR – Roddy White (The Three Daves) – 40.90 points
WR – Marques Colston (Piss On You) – 32.30 points
WR – Brandon Marshall (A fuckn shark ate me)28.80 points
RB – Michael Turner (The Three Daves)29.10 points
RB – Marshawn Lynch (Good Ass Cheese) – 27.50 points
TE – Jason Witten (Black Bush) – 32.20 points
FLEX – Victor Cruz (Black Bush) – 27.90 points
K – Matt Prater (Black Bush) – 16.00 points
DEF – San Francisco (Tron)34.60 points

Week 4 All-Crack Party Team Total – 309.30 points

Tyrone’s $450,000 Crack Party – Week 5 Preview
Matchups and a preview of ten words or less.

Black Bush vs. Good Ass Cheese – First vs. Almost Worst. Upset alert? Anyone? No? Nobody?
Piss On You vs. 19th St Gangsters – Should be a shootout. Both teams averaging 165 PPG.
A fuckn shark ate me vs. The Three Daves – 2010 Champion faces 2011 Champion in 2012.
TastesLikeItSmells vs. RIVERSIDE MOTHAFUCKATLIS win would be team’s third in a row.
Tron vs. UnitedStatesofSpace – Suddenly reeling teams fighting to prevent three-game losing streak.

NFL – Week 4 Recap
Scores and a recap of ten words or less.

Ravens 23, Browns 16 – Hail Mary with significantly less drama ended Cleveland’s comeback attempt.
Falcons 30, Panthers 28 – Carolina played not to lose. The plan backfired.
Patriots 52, Bills 28 – After trailing 21-7, Patriots finished with a 45-7 run.
Vikings 20, Lions 13 – Vikings would be undefeated without last-second loss to Indianapolis.
Chargers 37, Chiefs 20 – KC made it easy for SD with all their turnovers.
Rams 19, Seahawks 13 – Field goal team responsible for all of Rams’ points.
49ers 34, Jets 0 – Hard to believe Jets are tied for first in division.
Texans 38, Titans 14 – Undefeated Houston yet to be truly challenged by opponent.
Cardinals 24, Dolphins 21 (OT) – Miami’s historic offensive output overshadowed by OT loss again.
Bengals 27, Jaguars 10 – Andy Dalton & Company lead Bengals to third straight win.
Broncos 37, Raiders 6 – Denver is a definite contender. Oakland is…Oakland.
Packers 28, Saints 27 – Packer fans are tired of all referees, replacements or regulars.
Redskins 24, Buccaneers 22 – Schiano hasn’t won since utilizing his kneel down defense. Karma?
Eagles 19, Giants 17 – Penalties nearly won, but ultimately lost game for Giants.
Bears 34, Cowboys 18 – Cowboys win ugly and lose uglier. Nice game Chicago.

Bonus: What was in Gruden’s drink Monday night?

NFL – Week 5 Preview
Each game rated as a Sitter, Switcher, or Shitter. Definitions below. Then ten words or less.

  • Sitter – AKA The Ass Groove Special. Ass glued to the couch. Eyes glued to the game. No bathroom breaks. Someone can bring you a sandwich and/or a bedpan.
  • Switcher – Keep the remote handy. There’s other action to flip to during commercials. Including that Baywatch rerun. Or that Chef Tony infomercial.
  • Shitter – Time to deal with the “pressing issues” at the “office.” The Browns going to the Super Bowl takes on a more figurative meaning.

Philadelphia at Pittsburgh
(Sun. 1:00 PM) – The Pennsylvania rivalry. So glad I’m not in State College.
Denver at New England (Sun. 4:25 PM) – Manning vs. Brady. With a new twist.
San Diego at New Orleans (Sun. 8:20 PM) – Brees faces former team in a shot at history.

Arizona at St. Louis
(Thu. 8:20 PM) – Cardinals could be 5-0 for first time since 1974.
Miami at Cincinnati
(Sun. 1:00 PM) – Bengals play toughest defensive opponent since Week 1 in Baltimore.
Tennessee at Minnesota
(Sun. 1:00 PM) – Titans have “held” opponents to average of 38 points. Ouch.
Atlanta at Washington (Sun. 1:00 PM) – Falcons and Redskins are NFC’s highest scoring teams. Believe that.
Seattle at Carolina (Sun. 4:05 PM) – Carolina offense vs. Seattle defense is an intriguing matchup.
Buffalo at San Francisco (Sun. 4:25 PM) – Chris Berman’s Super Bowl pick for most of the ’90s.

Green Bay at Indianapolis
(Sun. 1:00 PM) – Trap game for Packers with Houston in Week 6?
Baltimore at Kansas City (Sun. 1:00 PM) – If turnovers continue for Chiefs, Baltimore will make them pay.
Cleveland at New York Giants (Sun. 1:00 PM) – Weeden could take “Giant” beating from New York’s front seven.
Chicago at Jacksonville
(Sun. 4:05 PM) – Bears are tough to stop when Cutler and Marshall connect.
Houston at New York Jets
(Mon. 8:30 PM) – Thought last week was ugly? This could be worse.

Bye: Dallas, Detroit, Oakland, Tampa Bay

Benny The Bookie
Benny is the local bookie near my office whose facial expression never changes. You might not be able to tell, but he’s ecstatic about correctly picking San Francisco last week. Benny is currently 2-2 and ready to drop some more football tips for “yous guys.”

What’d I tell ya? The Niners were a gold pick. Solid gold, like the one and only Frankie Sinatra. And now the end is near, and so I face the final curtain, my friend I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case of which I’m certain. Those were the days. But just like Frankie, I gotta case and I’ll state it clear. Chicago -4 over Jacksonville. Easy money baby. I’ve lived a life that’s full, I’ve traveled each and every highway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way.

Pugliese Power Pro Picks
After four weeks of pick’em action, my dad has emerged as the leader, but only by the slightest of margins. Dana and Steph Rand are sitting in second, one point out of first.

Win Or Die (Or Lose Once Twice)
Things are back to normal after the Week 3 debacle, where even though everyone remaining in the pool lost, none of them truly lost. The Team Pugliese vs. Team Rand battle still remains after all Week 4 selections were correct. It only gets harder from here.

Fantasy Football Olympics
The Pugliese Bowl between Anthony (The Missing) and myself (Brahjzoot Sangwitch) went back and forth, coming down to Monday Night Football. I had a dilemma. Anthony had Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray left to play, while I had Brandon Marshall remaining, meaning that if I wanted to win in fantasy, the Cowboys would most likely have to lose. And they did. Thanks again Tony (Romo, that is).

Breaking news out of the FFO. The league’s first trade has officially been accepted, sending Aaron Rodgers to Game of Throws (my boss’ team) and The Factorbacks receiving Matthew Stafford and Ahmad Bradshaw in exchange. In my mind, there’s no question that my boss is the absolute winner in this trade. Picking up an elite QB for the cost of a very good, but not elite QB and an RB who’s injured and possibly part of a timeshare is a victory in my book. Aaron Rodgers was the number one overall pick in the draft as well, which makes this deal even more of a head-scratcher. I’m not complaining though, especially since The Factorbacks are my Week 5 opponent. Their newly acquired QB is on bye this week, leaving them with Alex Smith in line to make the start. To quote Stuart Scott, “I don’t wanna say anything, but that ain’t right.”

That’s it for this post. Time to start working. Apparently, America wants to see me work, not live. On the plus side, I’m off Monday for the whole Columbus “discovering” America thing. Thanks Chris.

Enjoy Week 5. And speedboats.


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