Thanks to my cousin Michele (and Buzzfeed, of course), the 18 most insane food challenges have been unearthed and published for public consumption. In my
semi-drunken drunken state, I decided reviewing and adding personal commentary to said challenges would be a brilliant idea. So here are my notes via iPhone through Gmail. Fun times. Enjoy.
The actual food challenges are listed here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/most-insane-restaurant-food-challenges
1. The 11-Pound Carnivore Pizza Challenge
Big Pie in the Sky – Kennesaw, Ga.
Challenge: This pizza weighs 11 pounds, is 30 inches across, and must be eaten in under one hour. Two people are allowed to tag team this event, and it costs $50 to enter.
Prize: $250 is awarded to all successful teams.
My Notes: This can be done. I’ve eaten a full 16″ pizza in one sitting (and then some), so I really only need another person to eat just 14″. Doable. And I love pizza.
2. The 8th Wonder Challenge
Clinton Station Diner – Clinton, N.J.
Challenge: At 105 pounds, The 8th Wonder is the largest burger in the world. It’s 28 inches in diameter and 11.5 inches tall. Ten people are given only 60 minutes to demolish this beast (that’s 10.5 pounds of food per person).
Prize: A cash prize of $5,000 is given to all successful teams, but the odds are stacked against them; no one has ever conquered this challenge.
My Notes: Not going to happen. That’s over ten pounds of a burger for each person, in an hour. I’m not even sure I could down a five pound burger in that time. Godspeed.
3. The Jack-n-Grill Challenge
Jack-N-Grill – Denver, Colo.
Challenge: This 7-pound breakfast burrito is no joke, consisting of 7 potatoes, a pound of ham, a whole onion, cheese, chili, and, of course, a dozen eggs. There’s only one rule: no bathroom breaks.
Prize: Free food FOR LIFE is awarded to any woman who can finish this meal.
My Notes: I really like this challenge. Why? No time limit. There’s not many things I do that I can attach “endurance” to, but eating is one. And I’d have no problem withholding from the bathroom. I just pity the first toilet I see after the challenge is over.
4. The 72-ounce Steak Challenge
The Big Texan Steak Ranch – Amarillo, Texas
Challenge: Successfully consume a 72-ounce steak, a buttered bread roll, a shrimp cocktail, a baked potato, ranch beans, and, to make it a nice balanced meal, a salad. This is the perfect challenge for Ron Swanson.
Prize: The meal is free.
My Notes: The hardest part of this challenge is the baked potato. Those things will sink like a rock in your stomach and render you useless. By the way, thanks for the salad. I’m watching my figure. And thanks for the shrimp cocktail. Everybody loves shrimp cocktail.
5. The Monster Red Ruby Burger Challenge
Exeter’s Urban Burger Restaurant – Exeter, England
Challenge: Eat seven, 6-ounce burger patties, 14 slices of bacon, seven slices of cheese, and two giant portions of double-fried fries. Contestants only have 20 minutes to finish this beast.
Prize: A free meal and T-shirt.
My Notes: Ugh. Just reading this makes me heart stop. 42 ounces of beef, 14 slices of bacon, and a mountain of cheese and fries? And I gotta eat it in 20 minutes? You better have an ambulance on speed dial.
6. The 15 Dozen Club Challenge
Acme Oyster House – New Orleans, La.
Challenge: Consume 180 oysters in one sitting. But that’s nothing compared to the restaurant’s record holder, who has successfully eaten 43 dozen oysters. THAT’S 645 OYSTERS.
Prize: A free meal and T-shirt. So worth it.
My Notes: If raw oysters are anything like raw clams, send them over. And give me some hot sauce. Just slurp them down and hope you have enough room in your stomach. This might be the “easiest” challenge in terms of work. No chewing. Just breathing.
7. The Inferno Bowl Challenge
Nitally’s ThaiMex Cuisine – St. Petersburg, Fla.
Challenge: This 48-ounce soup is made from bhut jolokia, also known as ghost chili, one of the spiciest peppers in the world. Contestants have only 30 minutes to devour the whole thing.
Prize: $1,000 goes to successful competitors. But you “must be sober” to compete — that’s rule No. 4.
My Notes: Must be sober?!? Buzzkill. Drunk or sober, I’m not finishing this in 30 minutes. Hell, I doubt if I get through five minutes. I like spicy food, but there’s a limit. And ghost pepper usually crosses it.
8. The KIDZ Breakfast Challenge
Jester’s Diner – Great Yarmouth, England
Challenge: A kid’s challenge, you say? Think again. It’s called The KIDZ Breakfast Challenge because of its sheer weight: “It weighs the same as a small child.” Nine pounds of bacon, sausages, potatoes, mushrooms, black pudding, bread, eggs, beans, tomatoes, and hash browns top this sucker off.
Prize: Eat all 6,000 calories in one hour for a free meal.
My Notes: There have been many times where I felt like I’ve had a baby in me. This challenge may be no different. If I come into the meal really hungry, I think it can be completed. But black pudding is a wild card. I’m not sure what it is, but it sounds intimidating.
9. The Terminator Challenge
Shelby’s Kitchen and Deli – Deerfield Beach, Fla.
Challenge: A 24-inch pancake is merely the plate for this challenge. Don’t forget to top this beast off with four fried eggs, six sausage patties, a pound and a half of bacon, a pound and a half of home fries, and two slices of toast. Early bird gets the full stomach.
Prize: A free meal and a full stomach.
My Notes: Clear my calendar. Because I’m sure as hell not doing shit after this meal. The meat scares me the most. Six sausage patties and a pound and a half of bacon makes makes my heart cringe. But after that hurdle, all that’s left is carbs. Wonderful, starchy carbs. And eggs.
10. The Widow Maker Challenge
Sizzle and Grill Steakhouse – Cardiff, Wales
Challenge: As if a 69-ounce steak wasn’t enough, try adding some gammon (ham/smoked bacon), lamb chops, pork chops, chicken, sausages, eggs, mushrooms, peas, salad, and a side of French fries. Eight people have died while attempting this challenge (maybe).
Prize: A free T-shirt and meal.
My Notes: Eight people have died (allegedly) during this challenge. EIGHT. That’s eight too many for me. And for those of you keeping track, gammon sounds delicious.
11. The Fire In Your Hole Challenge
Munchies 420 Café – Sarasota, Fla.
Challenge: Eating 10 hot wings doesn’t sound too difficult, but these wings are coated with extract from THE HOTTEST PEPPER IN THE WORLD: the ghost pepper. Contestants have only 20 minutes to complete the challenge. Just a heads up, Adam Richman of the Travel Channel’s Man vs. Food was only able to eat two of these bad boys before giving up.
Prize: Winners get their picture put on a wall of fame, but losers are showcased on the wall of shame.
My Notes: See number 7. I like spicy food, but ghost pepper is too much. And Adam Richman couldn’t do it? Consider that my white flag.
12. The 7-Pound Italian Challenge
Mick & Angelo’s Eatery and Bar – Niagara Falls, Canada
Challenge: Contestants have 90 minutes to eat virtually every Italian dish you can think of: spaghetti, grilled sausage, lasagna, chicken parmesan, cheese manicotti, cannelloni, garlic bread, vegetable soup, and even an apple crisp. That’s seven pounds of food. There’s only one rule: you can’t leave the table.
Prize: A T-shirt, a free meal, and a picture on the wall of fame.
My Notes: Italian Challenge? Ha. Sounds like Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s to my family. Just make sure there’s room for me on the couch to pass out after I finish this meal.
13. The Pho Garden Challenge
Pho Garden – San Francisco, Calif.
Challenge: Dump two pounds of noodles, two pounds of beef and tripe, and a never-ending broth into the largest bowl you’ve ever seen, and you’ve got The Pho Garden Challenge. Contestants have only one hour to eat the bowl’s contents.
Prize: A picture on the wall of fame.
My Notes: Pretty sure this was on Man v. Food, but it was super spicy. Even if it’s not, I guarantee the pho is hot in a boiling sense. Consuming temperature hot foods can be worse than spicy hot foods. I’ll pass.
14. The Knucklehead Challenge
Knucklehead Hot Dog Diner – Roseville, Calif.
Challenge: Five quarter-pound hot dogs, three pounds of chili, and a pound of French fries, all topped off with handfuls of shredded cheese. This monster weighs over five pounds and must be eaten in under 20 minutes.
Prize: A free meal.
My Notes: Without the time limit, this challenge sounds easy. So easy that I could totally fit in a 20 minute (read: 20 step) jog post-challenge. But the time limit makes it a different ball game. If I’m determined, it could be done. If not, I’ll be staring at a load of fries (most likely), wondering where the time went.
15. The Bacon Bomb Challenge
Paddy Long’s – Chicago, Ill.
Challenge: Don’t let the picture fool you; that’s five pounds of ground sausage, pork, and beef, all of which is wrapped and slow-cooked in brown sugar bacon. Choose between fries or potato salad to complete this meal (which, heads up, would normally serve 6-8 people). Everything must be eaten in 45 minutes or less.
Prize: A picture on the wall of fame.
My Notes: First of all, gimme fries over potato salad. I need all the grease I can get to wash this challenge down. Second of all, JESUS CHRIST THAT’S A LOT OF MEAT. And there’s nothing else to go with it. No bread. No eggs. Just meat. I want a discount on my future hospital visit.
16. The Jumboli Challenge
Trimbo’s Pizza – Butte, Mont.
Challenge: This 80-ounce Stromboli is filled with mozzarella cheese, pizza sauce, fried peppers and onions, capacolla, salami, pepperoni, black olives, mushrooms, spinach, and ricotta cheese. That’s 5 pounds of food. Yeah, good luck.
Prize: Eat the whole thing in less than one hour for a free T-shirt and your picture on the wall of fame (or shame, depending on how much your stomach can handle).
My Notes: As a dude who has endured several “normal sized” Strombolis, this challenge is very doable if cheese isn’t the main ingredient. That cheese will weigh you down. I’d rather be weighed down with mushrooms and salami over cheese any day.
17. The Land Lubber’s Challenge
Port Royale Grille – Islip, N.Y.
Challenge: This challenge starts off easy: Eat either a soup or a salad. No problem, right? Now eat a full rack of ribs, a 14-ounce grilled rib-eye steak, a pound of pulled pork, a half-pound of BBQ chicken, French fries, coleslaw, and baked beans.
Prize: A free meal.
My Notes: Way too much work. End of story. Have you tried eating a full rack of ribs? I’ll take your finest 100 pack of napkins, sir. Oh. There’s more food? Can I get a doggie bag?
18. The Kitchen Sink Challenge
The San Francisco Creamery Co. – Walnut Creek, Calif.
Challenge: This monster sundae consists of three bananas, eight scoops of ice cream (flavors are of the contestant’s choosing), eight different toppings, whipped cream, nuts, and cherry to top it all off…and maybe a brain freeze or two.
Prize: Those who successfully devour the sundae in under an hour will receive free ice cream for a year.
My Notes: Dessert! When I played in the school band, after a concert, we’d go to Friendly’s for ice cream to “celebrate.” I’ll always remember the time I got a Jim Dandy. It’s like a banana split with five scoops of ice cream and all the fixings. And I devoured it. That was fifth grade I think. Extrapolate that out, and I could probably handle a 27-scoop sundae these days.
Recap: According the my calculations, I could handle about half of these challenges (in my mind), but I wouldn’t stand a chance against the other half. But that’s the way food challenges go. Sometimes you’re flush. Sometimes you’re flushing. And sometimes you’re flushing again, because nothing is going down. We’ve all been there.
Let’s finish with an appropriate Vincent Vega quote: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go home and have a heart attack.”